The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
