I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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