I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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