This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
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Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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