i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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