So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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