I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
