You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
