My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
