you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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