And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
