Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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