How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
