New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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