I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
