every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
