There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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