New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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