I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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