I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
