Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
how do flat chested girls get laid?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
