neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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