he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
