He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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