My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize