do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
