I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
