can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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