So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize