what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You pole danced in your parka.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
