I hate all girls vehemently.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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