Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
