So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
