worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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