Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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