FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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