I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
