I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk