Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
farters have to be the big spoon...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.