Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
