He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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