this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
