So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
