Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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