Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
