and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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