I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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