YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
