just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He felt like a one man threesome
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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