Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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