Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
