I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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