I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
did i walk over a car last night?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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