A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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