i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
