long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
